On a recent flight out of
Stansted, while the security man was patting me down for cutlery of mass destruction in a slightly over-friendly
manner, he was kind enough to give me the following set up:
Security (while copping a good feel of my ankles):
Do you have anything sharp on your person?
Me (grimacing in pain as I try to keep my mouth shout):
Nothing except my wit.
With sincerest apologies to Oscar Wilde.
Although the security man didn't bat an eyelid, let alone smile, he must have appreciated the joke, otherwise I would have been taken aside, strip searched and possible anal probed to find the 'wit' I had admitted to carrying... but that's enough toilet humour for today.
Or is it? In all matters punning, I must bow to Joe who recently sent me the following email exchange (I'm sure the guys working at
CERN had this in mind when they first developed the idea of an
internet)...
From: Leon Franklin
Subject: Re: training
All I can say is that last time I looked at the BOM site it said, and I quote, "Make yourself an ark of cypress wood! Make rooms in the ark and coat it inside and out with pitch. And this is how you will build: the length of the ark three hundred cubits, her width fifty cubits, her height thirty cubits." Needless to say that I was just a little alarmed. I'm just happy that things are looking up and all us heathens are not going to be destroyed in an upcoming flood.
From: Pietro Di Ciaccio
Subject: RE: training
How big is a cubit, anyway? We should go back to using them...
From: Joseph Greensmith
Subject: Re: training
less than a culot...
From: Leon Franklin
Subject: Re: training
shocking, just shocking. How long have you been waiting to use that one
Joe?
From: Joseph Greensmith
Subject: RE: training
Suffice to say.... I was fore-armed Ouch.