Friday, 5 September 2008

These people have well-paid jobs

Working for a faceless multinational with it's seat in the US, I've been privy to a number of company-wide announcements from top brass so riddled with jargon and buzz-speak that they become meaningless. This one is so special I thought it should be shared:

We are working with an external consultant to conduct a review of the working environment at the London office. The aim is to develop ideas on how we can optimise the way we work and utilise our office space. The review will focus on the following key areas:
* Flexibility – using modern working practices and leveraging technology to improve fluidity in the workplace
* Mobility and space usage – usage of desks, meeting rooms, break out areas, and how the space can best serve our working patterns

The mind boggles. I've cut off the rest of the mail to preserve your sanity. The second bullet point has a smattering of the bleeding obvious to it (desks? people sit at them; meeting rooms? people meet in them...), but the first point has led to the following possible interpretations of "leveraging technology to improve fluidity..."
  • using your laptop as a crowbar to burst the emergency water pipes
  • knocking over a full cup of coffee with your keyboard
  • throwing your PC tower through the window on a rainy day (which is any day in London)

Any other suggestions out there?

1 comment:

Feeling Fuzzy? said...

Thanks Tripey, or shall I say, thank you Patrick, for your comment over at my blog.

However, I do believe that nicknames are like family - you cannot choose them, they hunt you down and make you suffer for eternity etc. So I think you may be stuck with it.

You'll be glad to know I don't think I'd ever refer to you as Tripey to your face. As I am the only one who refers to you as Tripey, it doesn't really work when talking about you.

I understand that pink on white can be difficult. I'll take it into consideration.


P.S. Try leveraging a can of Solo with your keyboard... My experience led to 5 of the very important keys being super glued down permanently.