Tuesday, 27 March 2007

Viral music

Ok, I know I've spent a fair bit of time slagging off this country: the weather's rubbish, the people are useless, the food's... well, you get the idea. But, the one thing the Brits seem to do well - apart from lying on Bondi Beach turning red, smoking and chatting on mobile phones doing everything in their power to be struck down with cancer - is music.

Yes, the likes of the spice and 'suga' young females were spawned on this island, and like the British Empire, they had their moment of glory ruling large parts of the world, but with the constant scrag in-fighting and the real risk of starving themselves to death, it was only a matter of time before Darwinian principles came into effect and knocked them from the top of the pop evolutionary tree. I mean, the same thing's happening to Britney - mating with another pop wannabe is a bad idea, there's clearly something detrimental on the processed pop gene, and soon enough they should breed themselves out...

Which of course begs the question: in such a musical gene-pool vacuum, what will replace them? Well, I'd been predicting it and praying for it for a long time, but now finally the time has come. Like a mutated wild type virus thought long since dead (the plague is making a come back you know), 90's pop is back again! Of course, for the true believers, it never went away. But with the triumphant return of the Proclaimers to the UK #1 spot, it can no longer be denied.

Yes, that's right, 500 miles is back again thanks to a spot on comic relief (an annual charity event over here that is rarely comical, but we're all relieved when it ends) with the chaps from Little Britain. Dyalan claims that this is all thanks to his work:
Hmmm I don't believe that they are back at the top thanks to some shitty charity comedy gig, I prefer to believe that I brought them back. After all, I have been listening to my proclaimers tape in the car for the last week, and although one of the speakers isn't working I play it pretty loud. All it would take is one British tourist to have heard it, then he'd get a craving for more proclaimers. Upon returning home he'd pass it on to a couple of friends, who'd pass it on to a couple of friends and so on - then pow! back to number one.

and if so, that makes Dyalan the Ebola carrying rhesus monkey that has led to this outbreak. Well done, that man!

Unfortunately, not all 90's acts were as fortunate as the Proclaimers - Right Said Fred, undeniably the greatest ever aerobics-instructor turned musician act are now reduced to spruiking laundry detergent.

So, despite the plain food, the expensive cost of living, and the miserable weather... at least English music is here to cheer me up.

Hold on - aren't the Proclaimers lads Scottish???

3 comments:

pat said...

As if the return of the proclaimers wasn't proof enough that time is running in reverse, there's going to be a new TMNT movie! (If you have to ask what TMNT stands for, then I pity you)

Simo said...

Have you seen the trailers? apparently April does some ass kicking. I thought she was always just some mild mannered reporter...
oops wrong comic/show

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